Oh Excuse Me, Miss? You Forgot the Other Half of Your Dress

Sometimes on a friday night, all i wanna do is get on some sweatpants and chill ith a friend.  Last friday me and my friends went to walmart about 11pm. Just cuz we're awesome and didn't have anything beter to do on that particular friday night.  hile checking out in the only friggin open line, I happened to notice this woman, probably around forty or so, wearing a tight, cheetah print dress that barely covered her butt.  Now, with some women they may be able to pull it off (even though it would look trashy on anybody) but this woman had thighs that were the size of an aspen tree-tree trunk.  AND

Cellulite. Now i give her credit for having enough confidence to even try to go in public like that, even if it is just walmart.  She would have been able to pull it off better if the dress was longer. 

So my smartass tapped her shoulder and said "Excuse me, Miss? It seems as though you have forgotten the other half of your dress."

I know it was probably not the best thing to say to her but if you would have seen it, you would have done the same thing.

You're More Useless Than The "A-Y" in 'Okay'

Whenever you're working on something and you ask somebody for help and then they all of a sudden they deside to give up and let you continue working, or they don't help they just stand there and kind of watch you, thats gotta be irritating as hell.  Right?
Me, I'm barely 5 foot tall and a water cooler is pretty damn close to 75+ pounds.  When I ask for help, usually is for a good reason because I like to do things myself without help. It makes me feel accomplished. But anyway, when i was putting in an AC, I had to life it pretty high and i needed some help.  My all too happy to not help brother was in the house and when he came outside, "Ok 1,2,3 Lift."
While i amd using all my stregth to hold up the friggin AC i see my brother just standing there...watching. "What the hell? Gonna help me or not?" "Nah, you look like you got it." I'm struggling at this point and i lift it into the window and i ask my brother to go in the house and hold it up so i can screw it in. I waited for a few minutes and yelled C'mon! "Okay, okay! hold on, I'm getting a snack, okay?!" was his response. Are you friggin kidding me?
"Never-frickin-mind! You're more useless that the A-Y in okay!"

Just Cuz You Have A Dick, Doess't Mean You Should Act Like One

You know those guys that have a BIG ego and a bad attitude to go with it? They piss me off. 
You may be ugly or drop dead gorgeous but when you start treating a girl (or anybody for that matter) with disrespect, you better check yourself.  Being rude doesn't make you A) attractive  B) look cool or C) smart.  Here's how this conversation went:
Girl walked up to a group of friends and said hey
he asshole-excuse me- guy: "Hey bitch, when are you gonna get back to the kitchen?"
her: "sexist much?"
him: "nah dumb broad, just hungry."
ME: "Look man, just cuz you have a dick doesn't give you the right to act like one. Knock that bullsit off."
him: (walks away embarassed)
Score for me! Yeah buddy!!
I probably didnt say it in the nice way but...somebody had to say it.